Judases and Peters

Tonight, I was talking with a close friend about someone we had not spoken to for about two years now. I randomly thought about this person the other day, and it came up as I spoke with my close friend. This particular mutual friend had been open about her struggles with lesbianism and how God set her free two years ago. Today, however, she claims she is a lesbian. My heart felt heavier the instant I knew she had fallen into that lifestyle again. This new knowledge and an UnderOath song got me thinking about all those in my life who at one time knew Christ but are no longer following Him. The song ("Too Bright to See/Too Loud to Hear" from their album, Lost in the Sound of Separation) opens with the words:

Good God, if Your song leaves our lips
If Your work leaves our hands
Then we will be wanderers and vagabonds.
They will stare and say how empty we are,
How the freedom we had turned us up as dead men.

I began to consider my own faith. In the times when I had chosen something above Christ, in the times when my wants and desires came first - they were without a doubt the darkest times of my life. I began to consider how the world must look at people who had once followed Christ but now follow themselves. But most of all, I began to consider every person I'd ever called a sister or a brother who had chosen to stop following God. And my heart broke. It broke in the way it breaks every time I think of Judas.

Here is a guy who has followed Jesus around for a few years. They've eaten together, laughed together, lived together, traveled together, and basically done everything within ridiculously close proximity to one another. He has followed Jesus around the desert, listened to him teach, seen him perform miracles - Judas knows Jesus is for real. He has seen with his own eyes the truth, power, and love of Jesus Christ. And yet, Judas betrayed Jesus. He betrayed him in the worst way imaginable - for a mere 30 pieces of silver, he traded a man's life. Not just a man, but the Word made flesh: the Way, the Truth, and the Life. How could such a trade ever be made?

But I've done it. In those moments when I, too, lusty with love for my thirty pieces of silver, brought the Romans with me to our secret place - the place I know Jesus chooses to dwell - I wreaked of betrayal. I pursed my lips and kissed the sweet savior. I mourned for the body that was broken, and I rued the day I ever made such a bargain. The great difference between Judas and myself is that I was rescued. The tragedy of Judas is his unwillingness to seek forgiveness. Who knows why? No one can say why Judas hung, condemning himself, and I live on under the blood of Christ. Other than my salvation and his lack thereof, there is really no difference between Lindsey and Judas.

I think that's why I love Peter so much. Peter denied Jesus not once but three times. And Peter went on to become a missionary, to have the privilege of living and dying for Christ. He helped to make the church what it is today because he chose not to walk in condemnation but in the beautifully broken body of our Christ. I look at Judas and weep. I look at Peter and rejoice.

So if you've read this and the Holy Spirit has brought one of our fallen brothers or sisters to your mind, let's be in prayer over them. Their situation is not permanent. We will see Peters, not Judases. We will see victory, not defeat. And we will see God's word spread like fire through them.